Is the Universe Working Against Me?


Why do I feel like a part of the universe is working against me here?

ac6904d79b126b8be7be1038617663c1Last Friday, I finally went to the doctor to have my face checked out. Since the end of July, large red bumps like mosquito bites had been forming on my face. They don’t hurt nor itch. Most of the time, these annoying things are red but at times, they turn purple, making me look like I’ve been in a bar-fight. Since mid-August, I’ve been searching for a doctor to see me. It’s so hard to get an appointment with a doctor these days. Most of the doctors are booked until October. I suspect it has something to do with the healthcare system.

Anyway, the nurse practitioner was puzzled when she saw me. Immediately, she scoured the internet for an answer with the presumption that it’s lupus. Hearing that scared me. Lupus? How can I have lupus? What is lupus? (I later googled and found out)

It’s one of the reasons I don’t like doctors. They like to throw out scary names for one tiny thing. A few years ago, I had a doctor who threw the “c” word at me – thyroid cancer – when he discovered a nodule on my thyroid during an ultrasound. It turned out to be nothing. It made me anxious the entire weekend. Anyway, I was skeptical when the nurse practitioner threw “lupus” at me and you can see why.

After some 20 minutes of scouring the web, the nurse practitioner gave up and decided it would be better to do a blood test. A nurse came in and collected 3 vials of my blood and sent me on my way.

During Labor Day weekend, I was anxiously anticipating my test results. Part of me knew I was okay while a part of me was worried that something was wrong. There has to be an explanation for what’s going on with my face. My mom thought it’s some kind of blood disorder or environmental contamination. I thought it’s just a harmless annoying rash that wouldn’t go away.

Since I get my results online, I logged into the website and checked almost every hour to see if the results had come in. Some of the results came out on Saturday and the rest came out on Tuesday.

Not good. oldlady

Something was definitely wrong with me. The tests said I have an inflammation somewhere in my body. It said I have rheumatoid arthritis, Sjogren syndrome, and lupus. Tell me this isn’t as scary as it looks.

Worst of all, the nurse practitioner hasn’t call me back with the interpretation of the result. Exactly which of these horrible things do I have? Please don’t tell me I have all of them because I would hate to add it to my ever growing list of health problems.

I’ve been told by a physician when I was 14 that if I didn’t get my hypocalcemia under control, I will only get to live until the age of 33. I’m almost 25 now and I just got my thyroid under control. So why do I need anymore health problems? And why do I feel like my body is on the verge of breaking down like an old car? I’m too young to feel this way.

Image credit: Google

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41 thoughts on “Is the Universe Working Against Me?

  1. I can not push the like button on posts like yours here. My friend sometimes we feel the cards are dealt against us. Remember no matter what you have been a blessing to all who know you. Such as myself in the internet universe afar but still close at heart.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I hope everything goes well for you, and not anything serious, hopefully just a rash that can clear up with medication. I have health problems that I thought much older people get, but stay positive, (I know it’s hard) and perhaps call them. Light and love. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. If you’re feeling okay, maybe just an allergic response to something in your environment — food, drink, seasonal… As for the difficulty seeing doctors, seems like a common issue. My last two regular doctors both quit their offices. One is now cash-only. The other now only does medical consulting. If I want to use my insurance (good insurance, too), it now takes two months to get in to see any physician. Even getting blood work is now difficult. At any rate, I wish you well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wishing you well. I have had a positive blood test for lupus too but the waiting time to be reassessed by a rheumatologist here is 2 years! I will probably be seen next February. I had a previous diagnosis of fibromyalgia but they had not ruled out rheumatoid arthritis. I am incredibly proactive no matter what I am diagnosed with and extreme self care is now my priority.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I saw in the comments that you’re scheduled to see a specialist, that’s good. I would have suggested a second opinion, but the way your health system seems to work (or fail more like), I see that it is a naive suggestion.
    I hope you’ll get clarification soon and then find the strength to fight whatever it is.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Oh my gosh, Yinglan, that is terrible that they gave you the results could possibly be those diseases and not knowing if that is what it is or not! That is terrible! Please keep us posted on what you find out and hopefully you find a better Doctor.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: The Waiting Game | This is Another Story

  8. I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. I just had a thyroid cancer scare myself. The sonographer found a couple of nodules on my thyroid back in March. I had to then wait 5 weeks to have a fine needle biopsy. The results came back on one side benign, which is of course good news, but on the other side non diagnostic. I had to wait over two months for second biopsy. Finally got the results last week. So stressful to wait. I hope you hear from your doctor soon. Something is definitely wrong with our healthcare system, I think!

    Liked by 2 people

    • That must had been terrible! I’m sorry you had to go through that. There’s definitely something wrong with the health care system. I went to see a dermatologist today and she prescribed some cream and medication for me to try. She too wasn’t entirely sure either. Now, I just have to wait 3 weeks to see if my rash clears up. I hope it does, otherwise, she’ll have to biopsy my face. 4 mm scar, she said. That’s a big scar on the face.

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  9. I know this feeling! I’m not see what’s worse, waiting to hear from the providers office, or living in this new digital age where we can see as soon as our test are uploaded into the system. I’m in a horrible habit of seeing results and running to google. Sometimes it helps, more times than not it keeps me wound up until I’m able to speak with the provider to see what the next steps are. I have an appointment with Endo at the end of November for nodules we’ve discovered on my thyroid in the last year. I hope your situation turned out well!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m the same way. I want to know why certain things are tested high, low, positive, or negative. But waiting for the doctor to call is definitely worse in my opinion. I hope your situation turn out well too.

      Liked by 1 person

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