#WeekendCoffeeShare: So Much to Tell…


Good Saturday morning! Thank you for joining me for another edition of #weekendcoffeeshare. Come on in and enjoy a cup of coffee with me. I have so much to tell you!

If we were having coffee, I would apologize for not joining in last weekend. I was simply too tired from the late nights.

You see, I spent last Saturday evening barbecuing, playing miniature golf, and chatting with my church friends over frozen yogurt. Time flies when you’re having fun. Before I knew it, my mom was texting me asking where I was and when I was coming home. It was almost 10pm and apparently, I had a curfew I was not aware of.

The next morning, I got a stern look and a short lecture about not tell her I was going to be home late. “Well I did tell you,” I replied, “but you were too busy watching your political YouTube videos to pay attention to what I said.” She plays those videos so loud nowadays that I have to plug my ears with noise-isolated earbuds just to hear anything.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I had just about the best birthday on Monday and this was made possible by my church friends, Facebook friends, blogging friends, and co-workers. I was presented a birthday cake – super moist strawberry cake with kiwi and cream cheese frosting – during my weekly Bible study on Sunday night. It was delicious.

Then on Monday morning, I was showered with a birthday card signed by all my co-workers and a bunch of balloons. For lunch, I got to choose a restaurant. I chose Cheesecake Factory because I have never been there. The food was fantastic and at the word that it was my birthday, I was presented with a free sundae. So good.

Everything went downhill two days later, the day I finally received the print copy of the anthology featuring my story.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I got my very first car last Saturday. It didn’t take me long to decide since I did all my research and decided on the car to buy the night before. I got a brand new Chevrolet SUV. I originally didn’t want a SUV because they’re too big of a car for me. However, after I saw and compared the SUV to the sedan, I realized the SUV was a bit smaller than the sedan. So that was my final choice and the entire process took less than 4 hours. Fastest car purchase ever.

So far, other than driving the car home from the car dealership, I haven’t been able to take the car out of the garage. That actually is the reason why the rest of the week went downhill.

It was like February 2016 all over again and it dredged up that painful memory and made me think that maybe this time, I should really do, not almost do, what I had almost done last time.

And all I said was I want to drive to work, so instead of waiting for the 3pm bus, I can come home two hours early and do some chores. You can do a lot in two hours. That conversation ended with an ultimatum of three choices and the revocation of car privileges except it wouldn’t work since I now have my own car.  It’s one of the reasons why I bought the car, so she can’t pull that stunt on me again. In an impulse, I wrote this super long Facebook post the following night.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I have been having on and off fever and chills during the past two days, ever since I have to make the tough decision to give up everything and move out or stay and endure perhaps a few more years of my mother’s narcissism. I believe the fever and chills were caused by stress.

I went and took a look at an apartment yesterday. I liked it but it all came down to my current financial situation. Even though the outlook is good, the current situation is looking very tight.

I told my mom I was looking at apartments when she questioned about how I arrived at the train station so early. She immediately put me through a guilt trip. It made me half changed my mind to stay but then another voice told me, “it’s just another trait of her mental disorder (narcissistic personality disorder).” I had to take numerous deep breath to calm down. It was not easy but I am now more resolved that I must move out soon to detach myself from my mother. I just have to make myself take the next step.

It’s starting to feel like a bad breakup or worse, a bad divorce where I get nothing and my mother gets my house and possession. I am pathetic. I feel like a pathetic idiot right now.

If we were having coffee, I would thank you for joining me this week and hopefully, I will be back this weekend.

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31 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: So Much to Tell…

    • Not yet. I heard there’s a wellness program at work where a therapist can provide free counseling. I will have to go talk to HR about that and hopefully, I can get some help other than therapists telling me to meditate. I went to counseling before when I was in college and that’s what I was told to do.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Hi Yinglan. I’m so sorry for your situation with your mom and am resisting offering advise that I’m not close enough to understand what would actually be helpful. No knowing anything more than you’ve shared, I would suggest you consider chatting with your church pastor. Often a pastor can offer very helpful comfort and guidance. Don’t let the grief your mom is dishing out cause you to forget all the folks who care a lot for you. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are not pathetic. She needs to pay you out for the house & you need your own space and life. Never think your pathetic. You deal with so much outside of this, so don’t let the pressure break you. Take it easy, & when you have to go go. Self-care for sure, especially if you’re having reactions to mom and her condition. You are 27 this year, you work. Pay the mortgage etc., and you’re an adult — you make your own curfew. She had no say. You can empower yourself I think and move past this. Best of luck and prayers. I’m so glad your birthday was fantastic.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy Birthday, Capable Girl. I’m so glad you are finding friends at your church. That is a good place to find someone to listen to and pray for you. Perhaps the pastor or a person the pastor will recommend. Wish I were close by to give you a hug. You need a grandma close by. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

      • All I was told when I became a member was it’s the pastor’s job to care about the church’s members. I’m just not sure to what point because somehow, I’ve always thought he just care about people’s health. I don’t know what I was (am) thinking.

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      • I dont want to presume anything. I would just like to be helpful. Do I recall correctly that you are in Utah? If yes, it is very likely you are part of a Morman church – which I know very little about, so I dont want to offer wrong advice. Protestant pastors consider part of their job is to help with life challenges. In your case, you need to talk whith someone who could advise how to move forward while honoring your mother – which is biblical and right whenever possible.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ah.
        I do know some about the Baptists.
        Their pastors share the idea of helping their congregation. If you have any doubt about their qualification to do so, you can also ask one of the church elders to help you identify a good pastoral care pastor for family matters.
        If you would like some separation from “your church” pick another Baptist church from the phone book and call their pastor in charge of pastoral care and offer a very general outline of your situation by wat of seeing if you like how that pastor sounds. A key item should be your desire to honor your mom without allowing her to ruin your life. That is important for any of us. But I think you are Chinese decent and honor is even more important in that culture.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, I have no problem about the pastor’s qualification. He’s an excellent pastor. It’s just it’s my first time to join any sort of church on my own and I’m not sure the pastor’s capacity to discuss my problems.
        I was raised to obey all orders of elders and never to question an adult’s decision and I think this is what’s making this situation harder than it looks.

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      • Ah.
        I agree. Unless you are going to a Chinese congregation the pastor may not understand that about how you were raised. I know of it, but would not claim to understand it. Please allow yourself to ask questions,collect advice but decide for yourself, with prayer (and maybe even an older adult woman known for her wisdom) how you think it best to proceed. I bet you have several friends who would be willing to pray with you without knowing all the details.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I guess I don’t understand — and I hesitate to wade into these waters not knowing the whole story — but if you own the house and the car, why are you the one taking orders? Shouldn’t it be the other way? The person paying all the bills gets to decide? Good luck with all of it!

    Liked by 1 person

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