#WeekendCoffeeShare: Nightmares, Exhaustion, and Anxiety! Ugh!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you good morning and thanks for joining me for another lovely weekend chat. 

Let’s chat in bed this morning as my mom is away at training and I am savoring my moments in bed. I have to get up at 6:30 am every morning for work, so a little longer in the comfort of my own bed is always a plus. Anyway, I’ll have the light roast, how ’bout you?

Let’s begin, shall we?

If we were having coffee, I would tell you my anxiety has returned and I find myself unable to relax. I am constantly feeling tense and anxious, wanting to get things as fast as I can but then afterwards, I would be sitting there at my desk fidgeting because I would have nothing to do. I am also having nightmares. Night after night, my eyes would pop open an average of three times, the kind of pop-open that only happens after a nightmare.

The nightmares were always about me losing something or someone. Losing what? I could never see clear enough or get close enough to find out. It’s so frustrating, you know.

Perhaps I am anxious because for the first time ever, I’m bringing home the bacon. My mom no longer employed. She’s only self-employed for the translation we do together. I’m now the one with the stable job and the one that’s going to have to support her and my aunt.

Maybe that’s why.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I am exhausted. I run mostly on caffeine these days. In fact, I would make a cup immediately after arriving at work. Even after a cup of dark roasted coffee though, I can still fall asleep a few hours later. I have a theory – since I got back from China, I haven’t rested because usually, people would take a day or a week to adjust the time difference and jet lag but no. The day after I returned, I’ve been my mom’s errand girl.

Then came the road trip and the day after the road trip, errands again. I think I’ve been completely wiped out. My mom doesn’t think so though because after a eight-hour week day and a frustrating drive home, she’s still asking me to do stuff.

My co-workers told me I should move out but I can’t. It’s a long story which will take another post to address but I can’t! I just can’t.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I am and have been attempting to return to my old writing habits. You know, writing longer short stories than 100 words or 175 words. I know I’ve been posting daily but in my opinion, those posts don’t have much of a story. I want to write my stories using words again instead of pictures. I want to return to finishing my short story collection, something I had not touched since March. Lastly, I want to play with my imagination again.

Lastly, if we were having coffee, I would tell you I am going to a social gathering at my co-worker’s house this afternoon. I’m very exciting and it’ll be the first social gathering without my mom controlling my freedom of speech and expression. I would also thank you for joining me and hope I can join you again next weekend.

Image Source: Pinterest


24 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Nightmares, Exhaustion, and Anxiety! Ugh!

  1. yikes nightmares kinda suck the light away from you, just like those demented creatures from Harry Potter that prisoners at Azkhaban …. Yes I am total Potterhead in case you were wondering…
    Oh I see you adulting and making paper good stuff hey
    Thanks for the coffee and dont stress the small stuff

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Cut do an on your coffee consumption to lessen the nightmares. I understand how difficult to adjust to changes in a life style as I am going through a major one myself. Put your trust in your God and it will help. Think positive and hugs!.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think my mum felt very similar when her mum, my gran, was living with us with dementia. Her boss was awful, her mum (without meaning to be) an emotional drain, and I think her life felt like it totally belonged to other people. I hope everything settles for you and that you can reclaim some of your sense of self (if that’s an accurate way of phrasing how you feel, maybe not?) I can only say I’m sure it’ll get better ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I couldn’t think of a better word myself. Yeah, I think I’m losing a part of myself because of the anxiety of having to work to support not only myself but other people.


  4. I’m sorry about the anxiety and nightmares Yinglan. Maybe after travelling and being so busy it’s hard to settle back to the everyday? I find yoga even 10 or 15 minutes helps a person relax, not to mention a bit of Bailey’s in your coffee 😉 I think going to social gatherings of any type is a great thing too. You should be able to be you and not be censored. Have fun and I hope the anxiety calms and the nightmares end very soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Tiny little steps to do things for you will help. I am in the same boat of having to care for everyone for different reasons and I’ve lost myself in the chaos again and again. Writing helps you find your way back. Even if you can only have 20 minutes a day for your project, take it! You’ll find a way.🌹

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Will be thinking of you and praying things get easier.. Yes, maybe yoga or meditation will help. And writing! It helps me when I’m feeling overwhelmed.. Best of luck to you..

    Liked by 1 person

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