My like for these “watering trips” is increasing. Ever since I returned to my hometown, I’ve noticed my relatives has been – what’s the word, ah yes – hovering. They seem to think they are responsible for my every move whether I stand, sit, fall, or get lost. Okay, yes, maybe I had a reputation of being overly careful and clumsy – emphasis on the word “had” – but that was when I was a child. Besides, haven’t they heard of a thing called a phone?
Anyway, I decided to ask them about it and they all said, “If anything happens to you, your mom will kill us.”
Ah yes, my mom. Why am I not surprised?
But I’m 25, not a little child anymore. I like to live life through trial and error – who doesn’t – and what if I fall and scrape my knees? What if I accidentally cut my hands? It’ll heal eventually, just another painful lesson learned, right?
So you see why I seek solitude, right? It isn’t that I have anything against my relatives’ over-caring for me, it’s just I’ve gotten so used to being alone that I no longer know what it feels like to be near other people. It made me forget how uncomfortable it is to be among a crowd.
When I’m out on the ranch where my aunt refills our water supplies, I feel like me again, just me with my camera surrounded by mountains and open land with plenty of photographic inspirations. This place somehow reminds me of home back in Utah, except without the snow. When I’m out on the ranch, even for a little while, in a state of solitude, my anxiety goes away and I feel calm and relaxed.