As few of you know, I’ve been seeing a therapist since the beginning of this month and I think it’s time I update my current mental situation.
It’s been almost a month since I made the ultimate decision to stay instead of moving out and I must admit, at times, I still regret the decision. My mom and I barely talk these days since she’s been so focused on getting the rental house ready to be rented out again while I’ve been focused on my studying. I feel like if I talk to her, I might get angry again as I’ve been angry and on edge this entire month even though there’s no reason for me to be.
It’s in the past, move on already, I keep telling myself but the more I tell myself, the more irritated and closer to the edge I seem to get. I’m frustrated because my mom is selfish, inconsiderate, and a bully, as my boss put it after his encounter with her. So I’m not the only one who feel this way, my boss now feels the same way after seeing her dark side.
She doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings but her own. Like last weekend, I had planned to spend Saturday completing my management homework and Sunday studying for my marketing exam. Instead, I spent Saturday getting on my hands and knees painting the baseboards and closets at the rental house. The task ruined my perfectly good pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt, not to mention my knees still hurts from kneeling. “My knees hurt,” I said and it backfired.
“So am I!” She said, “I’ve been working every day this week for this house.” I couldn’t say anything after that because my anger has sparked again. She didn’t understand the calcification had once again started in my joints and thus caused the pain and if I told her, she’d just say, “See a doctor!” Not every matter in life can be solved by a doctor.
So I guess you now know why I have to see a therapist. She’s been helping me to deal with the negativity and the harsh environment I have to call home. I’ve only been in two sessions but I’ve already learned a lot. She taught me to do meditative exercises, to imagine a safe haven, some place I can set all these feelings free and cast her negative words out of my system. I’ve been doing that at night before I go to bed. Every night before I head to bed, I would open the Pandora radio app on my tablet, go to “spa radio” and let the water sounds take me away.
The place I tend to imagine is the beach at sunset. I’d imagine myself just sitting there, watching the sunset and the water rush back and forth on the shore and the birds fly across the sky, I’d feel peace. At times when I’m restless, I might even imagine myself walking along the beach, dig my feet into the wet sand with every step, and watch the water wash my prints away. Then I’d soon drift off to sleep with that serene image in my mind.
Image Credit: Google